People in our Lives
The people in our lives are not a random collection of coincidental relationships but are connected to us in the deepest way. In as much as so many people leave this world with unfinished business and unresolved relationships it is not surprising that the teachings on reincarnation alert us to the fact that many of our present relationships are based on old business from previous lifetimes. Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh teaches that if one has a very strong feeling about the circumstances of a previous life time, although one may never be sure, one can trust these feelings. The same would hold true about a more primordial layer of relationship with other individuals.
Not only are people connected by a web of relationships through the generations, but as can be imagined, these relationships can sometimes be manifest in peculiar ways as well. A relationship for example between parent and child, teacher and student, pursuer and pursued, or loaner and borrower, in one lifetime can conceivably reverse itself in another life time or repeat itself over and over again, each time according to what will assist them the most in reaching their ultimate fixing and purpose. A group of friends, siblings, or students of a particular teacher many times return in similar groupings. Soul mates may return together numerous times as they work on reaching their individual and joint rectification.
These deep soul connections are seen in the relationship of rabbi, sage or rebbe with his students. Many times when a student would come to a Chassidic Rebbe he would send him to another Rebbe if he perceived that the student was not of his soul root and was more attached to the soul root of another Rebbe. There are also times when even those whose outward behavior leaves much to be desired are drawn to a tzaddik. This is because both good and evil can both come from the same root soul. In these cases the tzaddik will labor intensely to bring the less desirable soul back to the good, as all souls of a similar soul root or spark are intimately bound together.
Sometimes a very righteous person will have children who do much evil. Since each person has so many different levels of rectification to accomplish, those un-rectified traits may come out like dormant genes and become a predominate character trait in one of his or her children. This can also work in the opposite manner when a grossly unrefined person gives birth to a very high soul. The person in this case is not totally evil and his latent good nature which may be hidden only comes out in his children or grandchildren. This is the secret of many different people in the Bible and is especially so regarding the Patriarchs and Matriarchs. Abraham for example gave birth to Ishmael and Isaac, and Isaac gave birth to Esau and Jacob. Each pair of sons went in very different directions and these relationships represent a process of clarifying good from evil.
Jacob’s archetypal battle with a mysterious being before confronting his brother Esau occurred on many levels simultaneously. On one level Jacob was trying to clarify the side of himself that was still figuratively holding on to the heel of Esau. As a result of a life time of spiritual work Jacob gave birth to twelve sons all of whom were righteous.
Yet one may ask about the tribes: how righteous could they have been to have sold their own brother? Firstly, it should be stated that the selling of Joseph is a far more complicated subject than meets the eye and is full of deep matters pertaining to Divine Providence and free will. Further more it points out another aspect of reincarnation as taught by the Arizal. His teachings revealed a deep level of relativity in how a soul is judged, much depending on where it is positioned on the long journey of the soul. Especially in light of the teachings on reincarnation we can see that much of what is truly transpiring between people is quite hidden from our conscious minds and hearts.
According to the Arizal, a person can do something very wrong and still be on a high soul level. For sure he will have to take responsibility and rectify the deed in this life or in another, but it doesn’t mean the soul loses all its previous levels of accomplishment. And of course only God knows what the true accounting is in this life, let alone the real story of each soul throughout history. A good example is King David whose actions with Bat Sheva left much to be desired. For his misdeeds he actively repented the rest of his life, and although it was considered a grievous blemish on his soul, he never lost his deep connection to God or forfeited his spiritual accomplishments.
Returning to the subject of understanding the deeper strata present in our relationships, the Arizal stated that it may even occur that various components of one soul will actually be spread out among a number of people, each one trying to elevate a particular part of the same soul. He explains that sometimes they are actually friends and this can lead to their mutual good, or alternatively, one draws all the positive aspects of his own soul from the other person, while the other draws all the negative aspects from the other. The phenomenon of seeing ourselves or others close to us manifest in other people takes on a startling reality according to these teachings.
Likewise, enemies or competitors in one life time may return to do battle again and again. This as we saw above is the secret of the souls of Cain and Abel returning in so many situations and people until their archetypal conflict is once and for all resolved.
These complicated relationships bridging various lifetimes explains much of what we refer to as the “chemistry” between people. We all know that instinctively we are drawn to or repulsed by different people. Sometimes we may intuit the reason but many times it transcends are ability to understand. These attractions are very powerful and can lead to wonderful things and other times to the pit of destruction. According to what we have presented, the reasons for these attractions in many cases may be connected to reincarnation and the consequences of past actions for the good or the bad.
At the very least, our relationships in this life time should alert us to the tremendous opportunity we have to rectify, clarify and forge ahead in our deeper purposes in life. The people around us are there for a reason. As the Slonimer Rebbe said and quoted above: if you want to know what your fixing is in this world – look at those areas that are the hardest for you. This applies as well to relationships. Yet it is not only in repairing strained relations that we can elevate ourselves. Also with those with whom we are close there is the opportunity to elevate ourselves to new soul heights, drawing ever closer to the soul’s consummate refinement.
It is less important to know who you were in a previous lifetime than to know that each life is an opportunity to rectify the soul in the most primordial way. Our focus should be on the present, nevertheless, knowing that the present is shaped by the past gives us insight into those areas we need most to repair. With a keen eye to seeing beyond the present we are given ongoing prospects in this life to not only finish old business but forge new paths to fulfilling our purpose in life.
