“And Sarah died in Kiryat Arba, which is Hebron, in the land of Canaan, and Abraham came to eulogize Sarah and to cry [mourn] for her” (Genesis 23:2).
In this verse, there is a small letter chaf in the word “to cry (ולבכתה).” There are many different commentaries on the meaning of this diminished letter. Many explain that the small letter in this word indicates that he did not mourn extensively due to the fact that she was old and had lived a full life. Other commentaries in a related fashion apply this to all cases of death – that our mourning, no matter how difficult, should not overwhelm us to the point that we cannot carry on or give up hope altogether. Therefore, our crying should be within measure.
The Be’er Mayim Chayim points out that the letter chaf is the first letter of the word keter, (כתר), “crown.” The diminishment of this letter in this word is thus connected to the teaching that “a woman is a crown of her husband” (Proverbs 12:14). With the death of Sarah, the crown of Abraham as it were, was diminished and therefore, contrary to the first opinion, he actually cried and mourned intensely. (See By Divine Design by Rabbi Aaron Raskin; p. 52 for a more extensive explanation of this point).
